The Holy Practice of Listening

James 1:19 Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Summary: Sometimes the most loving thing we can offer another person is not advice, answers, or even our own story, but the gift of being truly heard.

Dear Faithful Ones,

I had a conversation recently with a young couple. One of them had the natural gift of gab. They were funny, engaging, and always had something to contribute to the conversation.

There was just one little problem.

They weren't very good at listening.

It wasn't a huge crisis. Nobody was packing a suitcase. But it was causing some irritation because one person frequently walked away from conversations feeling as though they hadn't really been heard.

I suspect most of us have been on both sides of that conversation.

Listening sounds simple, but good listening takes practice. Psychologists sometimes call one helpful technique “reflective listening.” Instead of immediately responding with our opinion, advice, or a similar story from our own life, we first reflect back what we heard.

“That sounds like it was really disappointing.”

“So what I hear you saying is that you felt left out.”

“It sounds like you aren't asking me to fix this. You just need me to understand.”

And then comes the difficult part.

Stop talking.

Reflective listening is not agreeing with everything another person says. It isn't surrendering our own perspective. It is simply making sure we understand another person's experience before asking them to understand ours.

I think this is deeply Christian.

Jesus asked people questions. He noticed people others overlooked. He allowed people to tell their stories. Again and again, people encountered Jesus and discovered that they had been seen and heard.

James gives us wonderfully practical spiritual advice: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak.”

I wonder what would happen if we practiced that this week.

Before offering advice, ask another question.

Before telling your story, stay with theirs a little longer.

Before preparing your response, make sure you actually understand.

You might even ask, “Do you want my advice, or do you just need me to listen?”

Listening is one of the simplest gifts we can give another human being. And sometimes being truly heard is exactly what someone needs.

May we stop and listen,

Pastor Anny+

Prayer for the Week

God of compassion, quiet my need to speak and give me the patience to listen. Help me receive the stories of others with curiosity, humility, and love. Amen.